Introduction
The “Aveloute – mourning” is the name given to the period of time following the death of a loved one. It begins after the burial and contains many different laws and customs.
This period is divided into several stages:
- The “Shiva”: This is the name given to the first seven days of mourning (Shiva means ‘seven’ in Hebrew). There are many rules of behavior to follow during this period. They are in line with your status as a bereaved who is suffering from the current departure of a loved one. They are detailed to you later.
- The “Sheloshima”: This is the name given to the first thirty days after burial (Sheloshime means ‘thirty’ in Hebrew). During these days, some of the Shiva behaviors are continued while much of it ended with the end of the Shiva. We talk about it in detail later.
- The 7 days of Shiva are included in the 30 days of Sheloshima.
Judaism has instituted specific customs during this period, not with the intention of making your life more difficult after the bereavement but in order to help you through this moment. These rules are meant to channel your painful feelings in an appropriate and healthy way and at the same time help you gradually get back to your normal life.
During the period of the seven days of Shiva, it is all the more recommended to follow these rules according to the infrastructure established by Judaism: spend these days with family, receive people who come to console you, disconnect from the pressures of life on the outside, all of which will help you to get through this period more easily and to ‘digest’ the feeling of loss of your loved one.
The seven days as well as the thirty days are counted after the date of the burial and not of the death (in case the two events did not take place on the same day). For example, if a person died just before Shabbat and is buried on Sunday, this count will be made from Sunday.
On the other hand, the anniversary dates of the deceased are commemorated (Azkara) on the date of death.
Who is required to mourn?
Family members in the first degree: Children for their parents, brothers and sisters, parents for their children, the husband for his wife and the wife for her husband.
- There are no rules for grieving a grandfather or a grandmother.
- IF it is the relative of a spouse who has left this world (the husband for his wife or the wife for her husband), it is necessary to respect certain rules of mourning only in order to respect the feelings of the spouse. Therefore, regarding certain behaviors of great joy in which the grieving spouse is not allowed to participate, one will also behave as if one is grieving by not going.
- It is only blood brothers and sisters who mourn the loss of a brother or sister.
- We do not follow the rules of mourning for a newborn baby who has left the world before reaching the age of thirty days. If the newborn has lived for more than thirty days but his life has been in constant danger since birth, a rabbi should be consulted to find out what to do in the specific case.
- The rules of the first thirty days are the responsibility of all family members in the first degree. After this period, they can behave as usual.
- Nevertheless, for those bereaved for a father or mother, the mourning period will continue for twelve months.
There are angels in charge of “raising” the prayers to the heavens, they control the correctness of the actions of the one who prays and decide whether or not to allow his prayer to reach the Creator of the world. However, if the prayer is said in Aramaic, they cannot prevent it from rising because they do not know this language. This is the reason why part of our prayers (including the Kaddish) are said in Aramaic.
