Introduction
The funeral is the ceremony in which the deceased’s relatives and friends accompany their body to its eternal resting place.
A funeral can begin from your home, where mourners will gather and from there proceed to the cemetery. It can also begin from the chapel of eulogies in the cemetery. Bear in mind that a funeral that starts from home involves slightly more logistics – such as respectfully transporting the body from the home to the cemetery, and the double trouble of the funeral attendees, some of whom will undoubtedly come to your home and from there will have to get to the cemetery (by their own means or by transport you will arrange for them).
If there is a synagogue near your residence and you are leaving from home, it is recommended to stop by the synagogue, read a chapter of Psalms, and say the “Kaddish” (if you have a minyan – ten Jewish men – with you at this point).
- If the deceased has already been brought into the cemetery, they must not be taken out again, even if this is for the purpose of passing by the synagogue!
Funeral planning
The funeral should be arranged as closely as possible to the time of death – unless the honor of the deceased would be greater if the funeral were postponed, such as: to allow relatives from abroad to arrive, to prepare a coffin and shrouds, to notify everyone about the passing.
Of course, there are additional factors not directly related to the honor of the deceased that should be taken into account, which can influence the timing of the funeral: arranging death certificates, preparing the burial plot, burial in another country for whatever reasons, desecration of the Sabbath, and so forth.
- Burial involves many actions that are forbidden on the Sabbath. The deceased must not be buried on the Sabbath under any circumstances!
If you wish to postpone the funeral date, do not decide alone. Consult with a rabbi who is familiar with the subject, and he will give you a full picture and help you make the right decision.
Death Notice
You can get help from the “Chevra Kadisha” (Jewish burial society) to get guidance on preparing a death notice, posting the notices in the deceased’s neighborhood, and so forth.
Choosing the Burial Site
The family members should think in advance where they prefer to bury the deceased. There are several considerations that should be given thought before deciding on which cemetery: the price of the plot, if there is a deceased person you want to be buried next to, the cost of transferring the body to a distant place.
- If possible, it is advisable for the deceased to be buried in the cemetery where other family members are buried.
Preparations for the Burial
Before the funeral, you should:
- Announce the funeral (deceased’s name, time and location of the funeral) so that their acquaintances and friends will come to honor them and you.
- If it is planned that eulogies in honor of the deceased will be spoken, or farewell words by one of the family members or friends, you should prepare the basis for this: who will speak, when they will speak, how long they will talk.
If the funeral is expected to have many participants, you should also think about a microphone and sound system.
If it is at night, you should think about lighting.
- Do not prolong the words of praise too much and especially do not exaggerate or be less than accurate, these things cause sorrow for the deceased.
- Where will you sit for the ‘Shiva’ (details about it will follow later) which begins immediately after the burial?
- For sons, or those who will recite the Kaddish, it is recommended to review the text of the Kaddish before the funeral to become somewhat familiar with it.
Funeral Ceremony
The funeral ceremony will be performed in the best way possible by the “Chevra Kadisha“ (sacred burial society), together with the rabbi accompanying on behalf of the family.
- Before the funeral, one of the deceased’s relatives will be asked to identify the deceased, in order to ensure that there is no mistaken replacement with another deceased.
- To maintain the respect of the deceased, it is necessary to refrain from eating during the funeral.
- The mourners are asked to set their phones to ‘silent’ mode, and in any case – not to answer calls during the funeral.
- If you do not wish to tear the clothes you are wearing, you can change them for another garment before going to the funeral.
- The garment that you tear during the funeral, you will continue to wear for the entire seven days of the Shiva after the burial. Ensure that they are sufficiently comfortable and warm for you to ‘spend’ seven days with them.
- The funeral is a religious ceremony, and therefore, in order to respect the ceremony and the deceased, one should dress modestly.
Tearing of Garments (Kriah)
At the beginning of the funeral, you will have to perform the ‘Kriah’ – tear the clothes you are wearing, as an expression of your great mourning and sorrow over the death of your loved one. The Kriah will be performed with you by the ‘Chevra Kadisha’.
- The Kriah is performed after the mourners have gathered at the cemetery, before walking to the grave plot.
- A representative of the Chevra Kadisha will help you to cut a little at the edge of the garment with a sharp knife or the like, after which you will continue to tear the garment with your hand.
- No one is starting the Kriah for you? You can start alone.
- The Kriah should be done while you are standing on your feet. If one of those who need to perform the Kriah is sick or elderly and finds it difficult to stand, he can perform it while sitting.
- Before the Kriah, you should bless: “Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, the True Judge”.
Where and how much to tear?
If the Kriah is for one of the parents, you should tear the upper left part of the garment at least 8 cm. In the Kriah for the death of one of the parents, all the clothes you are wearing should be torn (except for the underwear, tzitzit, sweater, and coat).
If the Kriah is for another deceased that you are obligated to mourn for (such as a sibling), you should tear the upper right part of the garment, and only the top garment.
The general rules of ‘Kriah’
- All first-degree relatives should tear.
- The clothes that you have torn, you must wear during all the seven days of ShivAnswer
- If you wear additional clothes during the ‘Shiva’ due to cold or similar, there is no need to tear them.
- There is no need to tear your nightclothes (pyjamas).
- Children over the age of six are not required to tear. However, you should tear a little for them in order to create in their hearts a little sorrow and mourning over the departure.
- There are many rules in making the Kriah, the ‘Chevra Kadisha’ who accompany you will guide you as needed.
The Funeral Process
- The entire congregation recites together Psalm 16, and at the end, they say Kaddish.
- After the Kaddish, the pallbearers lift the stretcher with the deceased and proceed towards the burial site.
- On the way, until they reach the burial site, the congregation recites together the Psalm “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High” (Psalm 91), and some add “Ana B’koach.” During a woman’s funeral, some have the custom to also recite the verses of “Eshet Chayil” (Woman of Valor).
- Upon reaching the burial site, one of the mourners will loudly recite a Mishnah from Pirkei Avot that begins with the words “Akavia ben Mahalalel would say…”
- Afterwards, the mourners recite the Mourner’s Kaddish once again.
- It is a mitzvah to participate in covering the grave. The Chevra Kadisha brings tools and allows the public to participate in the mitzvah.
- After the tomb is sealed, the cantor recites the prayer ‘Tziduk Hadin’: “The Rock, His work is perfect, for all His paths are justice” and Psalm 16. On days when Tachanun is not said, Tziduk Hadin is not said either. Afterwards, a special Kaddish is recited by a representative of the Chevra KadishAnswer
- Afterwards, they say the Mourner’s Kaddish – Yeha ShlamAnswer
- The prayer “El Malei Rachamim” (God, full of mercy).
- After this, the members of the Chevra Kadisha ask for forgiveness from the deceased using the formula known to them, which includes the release of the deceased from any society or association he was a member of.
- After the burial, participants place a small stone with their left hand on the grave. This custom symbolizes that the memory of the deceased remains etched in people’s hearts, and the grave is visited.
After the Burial
- After the burial, the mourners should change their shoes to cloth or rubber shoes. From this point on, wearing leather shoes is prohibited until the end of the Shiva (seven days mourning period).
- After the burial, all present comfort the family. Therefore, after you’ve removed your shoes, stand with the other mourners before leaving the cemetery, and let the funeral attendees pass by you and comfort you. In many places, the custom is for all attendees to stand in two lines and the mourners pass between them, with the crowd comforting them.
- After leaving the cemetery, hands should be washed alternately from a vessel, in most cemeteries you can find ready-made stands with washing cups for this purpose, the custom is not to dry the hands after this washing.
Meal of Consolation
After the funeral, when the mourners return home, they should eat ‘Seudat Havra’ah’ – the Meal of Consolation, prepared by their friends and acquaintances.
The purpose of the meal is to provide the mourners with some orderly food on a difficult day, and also to show them that there are people who care and think about them. If no one is taking care of you, you can eat your own food.
In this meal, food with a round shape should be prepared – to symbolize the circle of life, such as hard-boiled eggs, olives, and hummus. It is preferable that the meal also includes bread.
Kohanim
God forbade the Kohanim to be in the close vicinity of a dead person (within two meters), or to be under the same roof as a corpse – even if the roof is very large and the distance between it and the corpse is very large. Touching the body of the deceased, or a grave, or staying for a moment with one of them under the same roof, for example, tree branches, is called in Judaism ‘Tumah’ (ritual impurity).
However, despite this, if a first-degree relative of a Kohen (Father, mother, brother, sister, spouse, son/daughter) passes away, he is allowed to be around them and participate in their funeral.
- It is important to note that the Kohen’s ability to become impure for his relative does not permit him to become impure for anyone else at the same time. Therefore, a Kohen should not enter a cemetery – a place where other dead people are located – because he will become impure from being in the vicinity of the other dead. Therefore, Kohanim are often buried at the edges of sections, allowing their sons and family to approach up to 2 meters from the grave, without touching another grave or being under any roof with it.
