Is there love at first sight?
The Torah believes that love depends on actions. Love is not a sudden spark that forms itself, but rather an emotion that develops over time through investment and joint work.
This message is highlighted in the story of the first marriage recounted in the Torah between Isaac and Rebecca: “And he took Rebecca and she became his wife – and he loved her” (Genesis 24:67). Pay attention to the amazing precision of the verse in the placement of the word “and he loved her”…
The Torah emphasizes that our forefathers, Isaac and Rebecca, loved each other only after the wedding. Unlike the accepted perception that ‘one does not get married until they love’, they mainly loved each other after the wedding.
The idea is that the Torah does not believe in ‘love at first sight’ that is created in an instant, but rather in a developing relationship through continuous and consistent investment. According to the Torah, one should say: you invested – you loved, you did not invest – you did not love.
Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, one of the great rabbis of Germany, greatly defined this: Marriages in Israel are not based on the foundation of passion, but on the basis of considered judgment… Hence love grows as they get to know each other… In Jewish marriages, the wedding is not the peak of blossoming but the root of a love that develops over time.
Everything Depends on the Head
Judaism believes that love depends on other factors that precede it and are higher than it. Love is not a spontaneous emotion that creates itself, but depends greatly on environmental factors that influence it.
For example, our thoughts about the relationship. If we constantly think about the unique virtues of the person with whom we are in a relationship or about the benefits we derive from our relationship with him – we will awaken a feeling of love towards him.
