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Introduction
Every family has its circle of people around it: the electrician, the plumber, the family doctor, the insurance agent, and so on. A Jewish family boasts an additional personality on the list of contacts: the Rabbi.
Throughout life, questions arise about Halacha (Jewish law), worldview, faith, marriage, child rearing, and more. It’s always good to have someone to consult with and receive a second opinion, and sometimes just to receive a kind word.
In every city and every neighborhood, there is a community Rabbi who would be happy to assist you, without any cost, we pay them through our tax payments…
In the language of our sages, may their memory be a blessing, this is called “Make for yourself a Rabbi”, and every family should appoint a Rabbi for themselves, who will answer their questions in the areas of life in general and Judaism and Halacha in particular.
- It is important to clarify! After choosing ‘our’ Rabbi, we must accept his instructions – even if they are not easy to implement – and not look for another Rabbi who might tell us differently.
How to choose a Rabbi?
Here are a few suggestions that can help us choose the most suitable Rabbi for us:
- Certified. Preference is to choose a Rabbi who has received a ‘Rabbi’s certificate’ from the Chief Rabbinate of Israel. This certificate is obtained with a lot of hard work and many years of studies that provide him with a wide and practical Halachic knowledge, along with mastering the customs of the different Jewish communities.
- Available. It is not recommended to choose the Chief Rabbi of Israel as our family Rabbi. His duties and busy schedule mean that we might only be able to talk with him a couple of times a year…
- Sensitive. The Rabbi should be sensitive to our family type and lifestyle, familiar with our way of life and environment. Such a Rabbi would be able to wisely navigate the ‘world of Halacha’ between directives and recommendations given to a Haredi family versus those suitable for a traditional Israeli family (the difference, of course, is in things permitted by Halacha).
- Knowledgeable and Wise. An added value is to choose a Rabbi who also has life wisdom, which will primarily be expressed in business consultation, partnerships, and the like. It’s important for the Rabbi to understand the public on the discussed topics.
- Personal. An additional quality in choosing a Rabbi is his personal acquaintance with the family. When the Rabbi is familiar with the family’s virtues or shortcomings, as well as their financial situation – this can significantly assist the family and provide a more pleasant feeling when needing the Rabbi.
The Rabbi does not have to be someone who lives in the building across from us, he could live in a different city, even a few hours drive away. In today’s technological age, it is easy to connect with a Rabbi through email or mobile phone.
Nevertheless, it is preferable to look for a Rabbi who lives close to our residence area. First, not every question can be asked via email. Have you ever tried to send Tefillin for inspection by electronic mail? Secondly, what happens if a question arises in the middle of Shabbat?
- Don’t have a personal Rabbi yet? Have a question you would prefer to ask anonymously? Today, there are many internet sites where there is a ‘Ask the Rabbi’ section. Go there, write your question, and get an answer…
Family Purity
‘Family Purity’ is a term for everything related to the halachic conduct around the intimate relations between a man and his wife. It is one of the most important foundations in a Jewish home, and behavior in light of it is at the heart of Jewish existence and the Jewish family.
For an extensive and detailed look at this subject, see the booklet Family Purity – The Jewish Woman.
In short:
Part of the husband’s obligations to his wife involves their intimate relations. Indeed, God commands this explicitly in the Torah. Furthermore, the first commandment from the list of 613 commandments in the Torah is “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and conquer it”.
However, this closeness is not always permitted. During a woman’s menstrual cycle and the days following it (as well as, occasionally, additional days each month), God forbids physical intimacy between a husband and wife, this is a time to invest in the emotional relationship rather than the physical one. Only after the menstruation has stopped and the woman has undergone a purification process that includes immersion in a ritual bath, a mikveh, is the intimacy between them allowed, and even becomes a commandment again.
This behavior around the woman’s menstrual cycle and her purification is what is called ‘Family Purity’.
What are the laws relating to this matter, what is a mikveh, what is special about it, and how does it purify – you can read in The Jewish Woman. This is the most important thing from a Jewish point of view that is incumbent upon you, and it is the most crucial thing you can do for the sake of your children, your husband, and their happiness.
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