Introduction
With the conclusion of the seven (a reference to shiva, the first week of mourning in Jewish tradition), the ‘validity’ of many of the behavioural rules that apply to you has ‘expired’, and only a few of them remain – until the completion of the ‘thirty’ (shloshim, the period of mourning lasting 30 days from the burial). Of these, only 23 days are left now.
- If one of the Jewish holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover, Shavuot) falls during the ‘thirty’, the ‘thirty’ ends with the onset of the holiday, and thereafter you behave as if you have already mourned for ‘thirty’ days.
During the ‘thirty’ days, you do not:
- Wear new clothes.
- Cut your hair or shave.
- Cut your nails.
- Engage in activities that will bring you great pleasure, like going on a trip, etc.
- Participate in parties or listen to music.
- Visit friends for the purpose of celebrations.
- If you are mourning due to the death of one of your parents, you need to continue your mourning for another 11 months, during which you need to behave according to the rules that remain after the end of the ‘thirty’ period (see below).
- If you are mourning due to the death of another relative who you must mourn, you now end your mourning period, and from now on you return to the regular rules of conduct in your life.
- You should wait with your haircut until one day after the thirty, then it will be permitted for you to return to your regular haircut routine.
Conclusion of the Thirty
The last day of the ‘thirty’ is not a full day, but a little after you start the day, the rules of the ‘thirty’ stop. As you did with the ‘seven’, so with the ‘thirty’: if you behaved in mourning for part of the day, we count it as if you already had a full day of mourning, and thus you can finish it now.
On this day, it is customary to go to the deceased’s grave and say the prayer there which is said at the cemetery on the grave of the dead (a list of the sections you need to say appears on page 123).
