Background
For months, you’ve been thinking about how to propose to your loved one for marriage after several years of acquaintance. Will she agree?
The truth is, even before you were born, both you and she, it was already decided for you that you will marry. Who? Not by the Ministry of Interior. In Heaven.
God creates a soul that is divided into two, with one half descending to the male’s body and the other half to the female’s body. They live their lives separately, even on opposite ends of the world, in two different and even opposing families from their worldview, one half does not know at all who is his other half.
Over the years, God manipulates circumstances so that one will meet the other, and the two halves will reunite again in the covenant of marriage.
This is also one of the reasons for the great joy from the Jewish perspective in the joy of marriage, a joy of uniting the soul after many years of division. Now, the soul returns to being together in one body. From a Jewish perspective, the physical bodies of the male and female after the wedding are like one body. Just as the hand differs from the foot in the same body, so the body of the spouses is one thing, half looks like this and half looks like that.
However, all this is conditional on the connection, the marriage, being performed according to the rules of Judaism : “according to the laws of Moses and Israel”. Only this way does the split soul and the two bodies become one reality of a unified body and soul.
Why is the marriage framework important?
Life together without marriage is problematic for two reasons:
- Shared life that is not for the purpose of marriage is very problematic from God’s perspective.
- The weakness of the institution of marriage in the eyes of many is its obligation and structure, but this is also its virtue. The knowledge that we are alone together, bound in a serious relationship with a complicated exit strategy, is what causes us to remain loyal and not to gaze upon members of the opposite sex.
The search for a spouse
Everyone looks for their future spouse at a certain time, and every woman is searching for her future husband. Sometimes it comes from a first glance, and very quickly they begin to understand that this is it, but often that is not the case.
It doesn’t always come easily. Sometimes it can even come after several acquaintances, disappointments, or worldwide journeys.
One thing is clear: one should never give up. God has designated a partner for each person, and even if the journey is long, one should not throw up their hands in surrender. Be active and search and try, and of course, don’t forget to pray and ask God.
If God in the Torah commanded every Jew to marry and establish a home, it signifies that everyone should and that anyone who tries, persists in their search, and insists – will indeed succeed.
Intermarriage
What’s so bad about marrying someone who is not Jewish if we love each other?
Besides the fact that it is a matter that God strictly forbade in the Torah, it is also forbidden from a national standpoint and a personal one.
From a national standpoint: What wouldn’t we do to save the life of a Jew anywhere in the world? How saddened were we to hear about a Jew who converted to Christianity or Islam? And here, in the name of love and humanity, we are losing our seed to the Jewish people. The child that will be born (when the mother is not Jewish) is not Jewish at all, and thus their descendants will be until the end of generations!
From a personal standpoint: intermarriage is like signing a contract with a partner when the differences between you are immense. When the contract is signed, euphoria takes over and the economic promise causes the truth and the minor details to be overlooked. When reality begins to become complex, the partnership collapses with a loud noise.
So, if you really love each other, in the name of humanity and the desire for a proper and peaceful world, don’t do it. The difference between a Jew and a non-Jew is so great that the odds are very high that the deal will fall apart. The Jewish customs that you were raised on, your inner belonging to a people persecuted throughout history by other nations, the Jewish soul within you – are completely different from a non-Jew, and there is a high chance that disagreements and disconnection will quickly follow.
What will the atmosphere at home be like during an Israeli military operation? What will you say when one of you will want to install a mezuzah (how can a house be without a mezuzah?) or to perform a circumcision for a child to be born (how is it possible not to?) or to fast on Yom Kippur (since I know myself, I do not eat on Yom Kippur)?
And all of this is without mentioning the psychological complexity of the children. Who am I? What is my identity?
The Decision
When do we know that this is it?
Of course, the answer is very individualistic. But one thing is clear: we need to examine our worldview and attitudes towards things and values that are important to us. Even if feelings of love are soaring high, and your shared experiences could fill many books, this doesn’t mean you will fit into a binding framework of marriage that requires a joint and shared life, child rearing, crises, and decisions at important and varied junctions in life.
Therefore, before you make the most important decision in your life – with whom you will ‘walk hand in hand’ throughout your entire life, do not be tempted to see everything through the heart. Also, check according to the spirit, the mind, and the soul. Examine what is beyond feelings, emotions, and thrills.
This is a decision that should be made with particular seriousness based on rational datAnswer Reading coffee grounds? Astrology? Gematria of intended names? Not in our school! In such an important decision, one should not allow mystical and imagined things to creep in!
Genetic Examination
In Judaism, the health of future children is also very important. Sometimes the combination of the genetics of two partners can cause hereditary diseases in the children that will be born. Therefore, a genetic examination should be conducted before deciding on marriage. Of course, this should be done at the earliest possible stage of the relationship, before b feelings will not allow you to break the bond even if a genetic problem is found…
