Introduction
The tombstone is a stone plaque – on which the name of the deceased, the date of birth, and the date of death are marked, and sometimes a few words that characterize the deceased person are added.
Setting up a tombstone
Setting up a tombstone at the burial site is important both for the deceased and for those who remained here.
It is advisable to set up the tombstone after the ‘Shiva’ days. If you didn’t have time by the end of ‘Shiva’, it should be erected as soon as possible.
- Preparing the tombstone takes time. Try to order it as soon as possible so that it will be ready when you want to place it on the grave.
The tombstone should be erected above the side where the deceased’s head lies.
Which tombstone to choose?
A decent tombstone is the honor of the deceased, therefore, when you choose a tombstone, it may not be best to choose the cheapest option (if you have the financial ability to do so). You should remember that a tombstone is supposed to last for many years, and you should think about the future. A tombstone made of too simple material will not look good after a few years and will also require you to constantly maintain it by cleaning and taking care of it.
In addition, it is worth thinking about the type of material it is made of (stone, marble, and the like), that will be durable to the weather conditions in the place where it will be erected. Very cold weather can cause it to break or crack.
- Setting up a gravestone can cost a lot, sometimes a lot. Even if you have the means and the ability to erect a special and designed tombstone on your loved one’s grave, it is not worth it. This is not the place where you should show off your abilities, and it may sometimes embarrass families who buried their loved ones simply due to lack of financial means.
Writing on the gravestone
- The full Jewish name of the deceased and the name of his father should be written on the gravestone, as well as the Hebrew date of death. Beyond this, there is no fixed text for what should be written on the gravestone, but it is better not to overpraise the deceased. It’s better to add a few short sentences symbolizing his personality and character.
- If the cemetery where you are burying your loved one has a commonly accepted and standard text, you should consider this and not deviate too much in the writing on the gravestone.
- At the beginning of the gravestone, the letters “P.N” should be written, meaning “Here lies”. At the end of the gravestone, it is customary to add the letters T.N.TZ.B.H. These letters are an acronym for the phrase “May his/her soul be bound up in the bond of life” – meaning the soul of the deceased will ascend to eternal life where the soul never perishes but returns to enjoy God’s holiness.
- The letters on the gravestone should be engraved into it and not protruding. There is also an economic advantage to this, it is much cheaper…
- When you choose the type of letters on the tombstone, you should know that if the carved letters are filled with black they will fade after a few years and will need to be repainted (not mandatory!). Letters with copper fill last much longer.
Question : Is the soul better off now?
Answer Don’t worry about the soul of your loved one. It is much better off today than ever, and will be even better!
The soul does not enjoy being here below. It feels here like in prison. The spiritual, holy soul, which was close to God, descended to a physical place, into a body with physical needs (such as eating, drinking, and sleeping) and descended to live in a physical world that even has bad and forbidden things. This is the greatest suffering for the soul.
Its endless involvement with the physical world around it, the bodily needs and the temptations and pleasures around it and in the body where it is located, cause it unbearable pain. (We do not feel its pain when it is within us because we are physical and material beings and do not feel the feelings of the spiritual soul. But this is the fact!).
When it leaves our body and returns to being spiritual and not dependent on the body and this world, it is released from the prison it was in and returns to its natural environment – this is a great pleasure for the soul. (But sometimes, according to its deeds in this world, it needs to clean a bit of the dirt stuck to it from our world and it goes through a temporary difficult period. But even this period is a joy to go through in order to return to the spirituality where it was and even more than that).
We part from it, because we communicate through the body, and it is hard for us with it, but it, being spiritual, never parts from us and continues to care and be connected with us even when it is above.
